is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
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Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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