Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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