TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
love makes seman taste better
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
