He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
