so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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