so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
