I'm really into asian looking animals
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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