stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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