Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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