I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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