stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
