barbara walters just said penis...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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