Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
