I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
