the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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