naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
