yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
