what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
