Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
