So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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