woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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