Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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