Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
