I can tuck mytits in my pants
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
