Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
