i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
