you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
