First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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