NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need moral support for this bender
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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