No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
