I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
