Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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