I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
