i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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