Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
