Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
