Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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