Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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