Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
