i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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