Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
