haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
