If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
