I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
