he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
