You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
