Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
