I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
