why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
