Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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