I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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