i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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