i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm too high and old for this...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
