time to smoke my breakfast
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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