I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
