They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
