I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
