I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Welp...herpes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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