He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
