She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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