so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I AM VODKA MAN
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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