I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
