Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
