I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
did you just send me my own nude
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
