but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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